The Waiting Room


Over the past week, I’ve mulled over what I should write, and I’ve hesitated because every topic seemed a downer. There’s not much point to ruminating over something past I cannot change or bracing myself for an outcome that may not happen. I cannot change the outcome of last month’s election. I did all I could given the resources I have, voting my conscience and hoping that enough like-minded people showed up to vote as well. As for my health, I am still waiting for an answer, which should be ready by Wednesday.

My youth, like almost anyone else’s, was ripe with the sort of mistakes that inform a better future. For example, I learned that it’s best not to commit to some endeavor that inspires half-hearted enthusiasm at best, especially when said project involves significant debt. Stated otherwise, don’t attend college just because you don’t know what else to do with yourself. This is one of a thousand dimensions of the past I cannot change. I do not regret my college days for just one reason: there were people I met there without whom I would not be the person I am now.

Back then there were few ways we could meet such crucial people outside college. Nowadays our communication paths have cracked wide open via the internet, making college less vital to such connections.

Back to the subject of health, I also learned that it’s best to watch and wait rather than anticipate catastrophe or act out on the discomfort of uncertainty. All that has changed while I am in the “waiting room” of my diagnosis is that I have halted my workouts beyond walking. There is a great chance that something has went awry with my back, maybe something that I should have considered possible through family history. I could spend more time dwelling on why I thought I was immune to such trouble despite having multiple close family who’ve had the same or similar back problems. At this point it’s better to stave off further damage by avoiding oddball workout movements, least until a physical therapist gives me a map on how to move with whatever’s going on instead of against it.

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